Tonight, at 7:19 pm, Kendra Bailey, while coloring in her "Little Suzy Zoo" coloring book--which she apparently just had lying around--held up a crayon and said, "What is Sienna? and why is it burnt?"
[more to come]
[because we are funny]
Monday, December 8, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
the stripper story.
well.
it all began on a fateful (or divinely ordained, depending on your theology) Thursday afternoon. it was the day of Linell's acceptance into the nursing program, making it a very momentous square on the calendar indeed. something had to be done to mark the occasion! it was a celebratory emergency!!!!!!!
so Linell and Katelyn swiftly planned an evening at Steamer's, the jazz club in Fullerton that everybody and their mom seems to like. they both invited me to go along, and i rearranged my schedule to comply. i'd never been to Steamer's, and neither had Linell. Katelyn the veteran assured us that good times would be had by all. but it turned out that she accidentally lied...
*cue twilight zone theme/swirly flashback visual effects*
we met up a little after 9:30. Linell and i parked in the back and tried not to get mugged and/or cat-called, while Katelyn parked about a mile away, apparently so that she could walk down a busy street in a skirt and heels at night. so far, so good.
when we finally walked into Steamer's, we were unceremoniously seated at a table about a third of the way back from the stage. onstage was a guy who appeared to be about thirty-four (judging from his hairline) singing really bad emo acoustic songs with ironic and "humorous" (i.e. lame... sauce) lyrics. (one song was about asking some girl to be his "first wife," discussing the details of future alimony and who gets to keep the kids.) the screen behind him said that "intermission" would be over in two minutes, whatever that meant. so we were glad when he was finally done ten minutes later...
we were busy ordering stuff from the really sketchy broke-down menus, including a three-dollar diet coke that turned out to be a soda can and a cup with ice in it, so we didn't pay much attention as the "real" talent got on stage. it was this girl dressed like a 1940s cabaret singer - a red dress, satin gloves, and this outrageous wig of shiny red curls. at least, we thought it was a wig. we weren't actually sure at the time.
but in retrospect it probably was, on account of what went down.
after about five minutes of the music playing, we noticed that this singer girl... wasn't, like, singing. all she was doing was sort of swaying and moving her arms seductively to the cheesy horn-and-drum music, and kind of winking and leering at the audience like a bad Vegas lounge singer. okay, weird. we made fun of her and discussed her hair/wig, never suspecting what would follow.
DUN DUN DUNNNNN...
actually, what immediately followed was that she in fact peeled her long gloves off and sort of tossed them away with reckless abandon, if you know what i mean.
you would think we might have had a clue by this point, but no... no, no, NO, because Biola girls, and BASE girls in particular, and LovingRoom girls especially, are not the stripper sort of people. at least not in public. but this was a different sort of loving-room...
*cue twilight zone theme again*
we finally SORT OF got a clue when ms. cabaret took off her top, exposing a more revealing top underneath. mostly this just made us confused. after this point you don't really need a lot of graphic detail (this isn't some dirty romance novel) but basically she proceeded to take off her other clothes, leaving her in only some extremely non-Biola-contract-approved undies.
at which time we all got pretty uncomfortable... we also noticed that everybody in the place had stopped talking and were kind of waiting with bated breath - some uncomfortably and some probably hopefully - like, "is she really gonna do it?!" prettttttty disgusting.
i think it was at this point that we finally thought maybe, just maybe, we should get out of there. i leaned over to katelyn and said "if she takes anything else off, i'm leaving."
but i'm pretty sure that none of us REALLY thought that she was going to actually, you know. do the deed, so to speak. i mean this is STEAMER'S. in FULLERTON. there were BIOLA STUDENTS at the table next to us, for crying out loud. come on. no way.
YES WAY! YES WAY!
basically, as soon as the Red Harlot undid her bra, the three of us each uttered some version of "aw HELLS no" (maybe not in so many words) and stood up to leave. hopefully, in our noisy departure we broke some of the magical spell of silence/demonic oppression (who knows?) as we walked out. IT WAS HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE!
and that's the stripper story.
EPILOGUE:
some waitresses who were standing outside informed us (as the terribly aromatic smoke of their cigs wafted through the cold night air) that "it wasn't usually like that," and they didn't know she was going to do that, and they had walked out too, etc. i felt kind of bad for them... not as bad as i felt for us, but still. it would be helpful for SOMEONE to know next time the Stripping Bandit comes to town, you know?
and the three of us remained in shock for the rest of the night. Denny's helped. but our rehabilitation remains incomplete. i for one may never recover. at least we got a good story out of it.
poor Stripping Bandit. i wish she had had more self-worth. and more... clothes.
so needless to say, we're going to Steamer's again next Thursday. anyone in?
just kidding, we're not going back there anymore. no wonder Biola students stay in their rooms watching Disney movies all weekend. beware the seduction of smoke-filled rooms (well, it would have been if it weren't illegal in the state of California), cheap diet coke and bad wigs.
it's a dangerous world, girls. a dangerous world.
it all began on a fateful (or divinely ordained, depending on your theology) Thursday afternoon. it was the day of Linell's acceptance into the nursing program, making it a very momentous square on the calendar indeed. something had to be done to mark the occasion! it was a celebratory emergency!!!!!!!
so Linell and Katelyn swiftly planned an evening at Steamer's, the jazz club in Fullerton that everybody and their mom seems to like. they both invited me to go along, and i rearranged my schedule to comply. i'd never been to Steamer's, and neither had Linell. Katelyn the veteran assured us that good times would be had by all. but it turned out that she accidentally lied...
*cue twilight zone theme/swirly flashback visual effects*
we met up a little after 9:30. Linell and i parked in the back and tried not to get mugged and/or cat-called, while Katelyn parked about a mile away, apparently so that she could walk down a busy street in a skirt and heels at night. so far, so good.
when we finally walked into Steamer's, we were unceremoniously seated at a table about a third of the way back from the stage. onstage was a guy who appeared to be about thirty-four (judging from his hairline) singing really bad emo acoustic songs with ironic and "humorous" (i.e. lame... sauce) lyrics. (one song was about asking some girl to be his "first wife," discussing the details of future alimony and who gets to keep the kids.) the screen behind him said that "intermission" would be over in two minutes, whatever that meant. so we were glad when he was finally done ten minutes later...
we were busy ordering stuff from the really sketchy broke-down menus, including a three-dollar diet coke that turned out to be a soda can and a cup with ice in it, so we didn't pay much attention as the "real" talent got on stage. it was this girl dressed like a 1940s cabaret singer - a red dress, satin gloves, and this outrageous wig of shiny red curls. at least, we thought it was a wig. we weren't actually sure at the time.
but in retrospect it probably was, on account of what went down.
after about five minutes of the music playing, we noticed that this singer girl... wasn't, like, singing. all she was doing was sort of swaying and moving her arms seductively to the cheesy horn-and-drum music, and kind of winking and leering at the audience like a bad Vegas lounge singer. okay, weird. we made fun of her and discussed her hair/wig, never suspecting what would follow.
DUN DUN DUNNNNN...
actually, what immediately followed was that she in fact peeled her long gloves off and sort of tossed them away with reckless abandon, if you know what i mean.
you would think we might have had a clue by this point, but no... no, no, NO, because Biola girls, and BASE girls in particular, and LovingRoom girls especially, are not the stripper sort of people. at least not in public. but this was a different sort of loving-room...
*cue twilight zone theme again*
we finally SORT OF got a clue when ms. cabaret took off her top, exposing a more revealing top underneath. mostly this just made us confused. after this point you don't really need a lot of graphic detail (this isn't some dirty romance novel) but basically she proceeded to take off her other clothes, leaving her in only some extremely non-Biola-contract-approved undies.
at which time we all got pretty uncomfortable... we also noticed that everybody in the place had stopped talking and were kind of waiting with bated breath - some uncomfortably and some probably hopefully - like, "is she really gonna do it?!" prettttttty disgusting.
i think it was at this point that we finally thought maybe, just maybe, we should get out of there. i leaned over to katelyn and said "if she takes anything else off, i'm leaving."
but i'm pretty sure that none of us REALLY thought that she was going to actually, you know. do the deed, so to speak. i mean this is STEAMER'S. in FULLERTON. there were BIOLA STUDENTS at the table next to us, for crying out loud. come on. no way.
YES WAY! YES WAY!
basically, as soon as the Red Harlot undid her bra, the three of us each uttered some version of "aw HELLS no" (maybe not in so many words) and stood up to leave. hopefully, in our noisy departure we broke some of the magical spell of silence/demonic oppression (who knows?) as we walked out. IT WAS HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE!
and that's the stripper story.
EPILOGUE:
some waitresses who were standing outside informed us (as the terribly aromatic smoke of their cigs wafted through the cold night air) that "it wasn't usually like that," and they didn't know she was going to do that, and they had walked out too, etc. i felt kind of bad for them... not as bad as i felt for us, but still. it would be helpful for SOMEONE to know next time the Stripping Bandit comes to town, you know?
and the three of us remained in shock for the rest of the night. Denny's helped. but our rehabilitation remains incomplete. i for one may never recover. at least we got a good story out of it.
poor Stripping Bandit. i wish she had had more self-worth. and more... clothes.
so needless to say, we're going to Steamer's again next Thursday. anyone in?
just kidding, we're not going back there anymore. no wonder Biola students stay in their rooms watching Disney movies all weekend. beware the seduction of smoke-filled rooms (well, it would have been if it weren't illegal in the state of California), cheap diet coke and bad wigs.
it's a dangerous world, girls. a dangerous world.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
DUDE.
come on...someone...anyone...post something interesting/funny.
Katelyn,
do you want to tell the stripper story? or should i?
or should Carissa?
she tends to be more articulate than i am....
Katelyn,
do you want to tell the stripper story? or should i?
or should Carissa?
she tends to be more articulate than i am....
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Excerpts from the Quote Book...(a.k.a Linell NOT studying when she should be)
(sometimes Kendra and I play a game in which we only speak in alliteration, that day, we chose to try to start each word with the letter "w." That didn't necessarily mean we were actually trying to communicate anything...)
Kendra: Well...we...willl...wallowing...
Kindra: You guys are silly...
Linell: We will...wash you!
moments later...
Linell: we want...woh...toaster!
Kendra: we want warm wheat! (raises the roof)
--------
(jennie walks into the lovingroom in her EMT uniform)
Bethany: ow! ow! I love a woman in uniform!
Jennie: Don't make me restrain you.
---------
Jennie: I'm a part-terrorist (referring to her part-persian self)
Elise: Wait...what do you want to partially terrorize??
--------
Kendra: Guys, I really, really have to do laundry tonight. And i'm probably NOT going to. Do you know what that means for tomorrow??
Katelyn: You're going to be smelly...or naked?
---------
"Do you flick your tooth at me, sir?!"
- Kendra, trying to quote Shakespeare's "do you bite your thumb at me, sir?!"
---------
(insert Linell hopping like a penguin)
Elise: What are you doing?! (doubles over laughing)
Linell: Sometimes my brain tells me to do things. And I say, '"Hey, why not?"
---------
(in the salad line in the Caf)
Kendra: There are no candied beets here!
Erin: I know! That's baloney and we're not even in the sandwich line!
---------
"Ok guys, I just wanna say that I have...3 bananas in my kangaroo pocket..."
-Alicia Preslik
--------
Elise: I need a car from 9:30-2:30
Carissa: like in the afternoon...?
Linell: No Carissa, in the morning....
Carissa: You know what, Linell? something needs to go down.
--------
Linell: oh man, these quotes are funny...
Carissa: how many do i have? I hope I have more than Jennie. I'm funnier than Jennie.
moments later...
Jennie: (to Carissa) I feel animosity between us
Carissa: I'm sorry! I love you.
Jennie: I feel like my ovaries hurt when you look at me.
--------
Katelyn: did you post some quotes up?
Linell: yup...but on facebook.
Katelyn: ...oh.
Linell: did you think I put them up on BUBBS?
Katelyn: yeah.
Carissa: no, no, nothing so Pedestrian....
--------
Elise: it's funny how we know what raptors sound like, they're fossils!
Katelyn: yeah it's like...wondering what...rocks...sound like...
--------
(Carissa, Jennie, Elise and Linell are discussing suing a certain man for emotional trauma):
Katelyn: It would solve some problems...like what I'm going to do for the rest of m life.
Carissa: No, it won't. Remember what Biggie said: "Mo' money, mo' problems."
---------
Linell: You know, Jesus could've given us super powers. But He didn't. Not that I'm bitter...or anything...
--------
Linell: we shot animals today in archery.
Kendra: that's inhumane.
Linell: They had weapons! The wolf had a sword. And we shot a peasant.
Kendra: You shot a person?!?
L: Peasant. PEASANT. Like a bird...
K. You mean PHeasant.
L: oh....... and the caribou had a bomb!
--------
Kendra: I'm a hard sleeper.
Bethany: really?
Kendra: No! i'm a light sleeper. I wake up at the drop of a pin.
Linell: The we'll just drop a bunch of pins...
Kendra: Good. Then I'll wake up and kick you in the teeth.
a little later...
Kendra: Ok it's official. I'm going to bed now. (Looks at Linell). If I wake up in the morning and I'm pinned to my bed, there will be consequences.
------
Carissa: honestly, if babies were people-sized, the would take over the world with their large heads and amazing upper body strength.
------
Erin: Denison Witmer says that we should get high on the Holy Spirit! He said that we should take a bong hit of Jesus.
Jennie: That's rather pentecostal of him...
------
"Ok...do you know how many of my meals go to the meal-monster in the sky?
...that's where my meals go when they die."
-Kendra, on not using her meal plan.
------
Linell: (referring to Jennie) The fountain of trivial knowledge shall now speak.
------
Jennie: whatcha doing with my phone, Kendra?
Kendra: ohhh nothing...just stroking it...caressing it...whispering sweet nothings into its earpiece...
------
(talking about chapels/graduation)
Kendra: I don't want to leave! They're gonna make me leave!
Jennie: Get a minor! (looks at Katelyn) Not that kind of Minor....
------
Katelyn: Hey Carissa, are we gonna have a dishwasher in our home?
Carissa: Yeah, her name is Katelyn...
-----
"They should really just call RADs-- 'NADS.' That's really the only thing you have to know, and you'll ace the class."
-Katy Willis
-----
Bethany: (as katy walks in, in demonic voice): Hey, Sexy...
Katy: (responds in demonic voice): Hello, beautiful.
Katelyn: You know, it's all fun and games until someone gets demon-possessed.
Kendra: Well...we...willl...wallowing...
Kindra: You guys are silly...
Linell: We will...wash you!
moments later...
Linell: we want...woh...toaster!
Kendra: we want warm wheat! (raises the roof)
--------
(jennie walks into the lovingroom in her EMT uniform)
Bethany: ow! ow! I love a woman in uniform!
Jennie: Don't make me restrain you.
---------
Jennie: I'm a part-terrorist (referring to her part-persian self)
Elise: Wait...what do you want to partially terrorize??
--------
Kendra: Guys, I really, really have to do laundry tonight. And i'm probably NOT going to. Do you know what that means for tomorrow??
Katelyn: You're going to be smelly...or naked?
---------
"Do you flick your tooth at me, sir?!"
- Kendra, trying to quote Shakespeare's "do you bite your thumb at me, sir?!"
---------
(insert Linell hopping like a penguin)
Elise: What are you doing?! (doubles over laughing)
Linell: Sometimes my brain tells me to do things. And I say, '"Hey, why not?"
---------
(in the salad line in the Caf)
Kendra: There are no candied beets here!
Erin: I know! That's baloney and we're not even in the sandwich line!
---------
"Ok guys, I just wanna say that I have...3 bananas in my kangaroo pocket..."
-Alicia Preslik
--------
Elise: I need a car from 9:30-2:30
Carissa: like in the afternoon...?
Linell: No Carissa, in the morning....
Carissa: You know what, Linell? something needs to go down.
--------
Linell: oh man, these quotes are funny...
Carissa: how many do i have? I hope I have more than Jennie. I'm funnier than Jennie.
moments later...
Jennie: (to Carissa) I feel animosity between us
Carissa: I'm sorry! I love you.
Jennie: I feel like my ovaries hurt when you look at me.
--------
Katelyn: did you post some quotes up?
Linell: yup...but on facebook.
Katelyn: ...oh.
Linell: did you think I put them up on BUBBS?
Katelyn: yeah.
Carissa: no, no, nothing so Pedestrian....
--------
Elise: it's funny how we know what raptors sound like, they're fossils!
Katelyn: yeah it's like...wondering what...rocks...sound like...
--------
(Carissa, Jennie, Elise and Linell are discussing suing a certain man for emotional trauma):
Katelyn: It would solve some problems...like what I'm going to do for the rest of m life.
Carissa: No, it won't. Remember what Biggie said: "Mo' money, mo' problems."
---------
Linell: You know, Jesus could've given us super powers. But He didn't. Not that I'm bitter...or anything...
--------
Linell: we shot animals today in archery.
Kendra: that's inhumane.
Linell: They had weapons! The wolf had a sword. And we shot a peasant.
Kendra: You shot a person?!?
L: Peasant. PEASANT. Like a bird...
K. You mean PHeasant.
L: oh....... and the caribou had a bomb!
--------
Kendra: I'm a hard sleeper.
Bethany: really?
Kendra: No! i'm a light sleeper. I wake up at the drop of a pin.
Linell: The we'll just drop a bunch of pins...
Kendra: Good. Then I'll wake up and kick you in the teeth.
a little later...
Kendra: Ok it's official. I'm going to bed now. (Looks at Linell). If I wake up in the morning and I'm pinned to my bed, there will be consequences.
------
Carissa: honestly, if babies were people-sized, the would take over the world with their large heads and amazing upper body strength.
------
Erin: Denison Witmer says that we should get high on the Holy Spirit! He said that we should take a bong hit of Jesus.
Jennie: That's rather pentecostal of him...
------
"Ok...do you know how many of my meals go to the meal-monster in the sky?
...that's where my meals go when they die."
-Kendra, on not using her meal plan.
------
Linell: (referring to Jennie) The fountain of trivial knowledge shall now speak.
------
Jennie: whatcha doing with my phone, Kendra?
Kendra: ohhh nothing...just stroking it...caressing it...whispering sweet nothings into its earpiece...
------
(talking about chapels/graduation)
Kendra: I don't want to leave! They're gonna make me leave!
Jennie: Get a minor! (looks at Katelyn) Not that kind of Minor....
------
Katelyn: Hey Carissa, are we gonna have a dishwasher in our home?
Carissa: Yeah, her name is Katelyn...
-----
"They should really just call RADs-- 'NADS.' That's really the only thing you have to know, and you'll ace the class."
-Katy Willis
-----
Bethany: (as katy walks in, in demonic voice): Hey, Sexy...
Katy: (responds in demonic voice): Hello, beautiful.
Katelyn: You know, it's all fun and games until someone gets demon-possessed.
Friday, October 12, 2007
questions, questions
1. does anybody read this?
2. is anybody going with katelyn and me this week (thursday - sunday) to see kendrita?
3. how is everybody doing? i really feel the need to ask that to you girls. as they say, life is a team sport.
-inquiring minds want to know.
2. is anybody going with katelyn and me this week (thursday - sunday) to see kendrita?
3. how is everybody doing? i really feel the need to ask that to you girls. as they say, life is a team sport.
-inquiring minds want to know.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
making the lovingroom portable
hey y'all (oh wow, did i just say y'all? yes).
so like, who's up for another roadtrip?
or, dareisay, TWO potential roadtrips. for i have two proposals for thee:
1. san diego: sand. sun. sea scrolls. dead sea scrolls, that is. does anybody want to see them? i have to for class, but i kinda want to anyway. tickets are... not very expensive (i know they're $20 or less). and san diego is fun fun fun! we just have to plan ahead of time. uh yeah if anybody's interested, the ten commandments will be there after october! oooooooohh.
2. MORE IMPORTANTLY, northern california: i would just LOVE to take a nor cal trip sometime, especially to see our little kendrita, whom we have so long been without. i was kinda thinking maybe the weekend of torrey (like friday - sunday)? or........ something else. maybe even interterm.
what thinketh thou, fair maidens?
aight, i'm out like a porch light in the ghetto.
so like, who's up for another roadtrip?
or, dareisay, TWO potential roadtrips. for i have two proposals for thee:
1. san diego: sand. sun. sea scrolls. dead sea scrolls, that is. does anybody want to see them? i have to for class, but i kinda want to anyway. tickets are... not very expensive (i know they're $20 or less). and san diego is fun fun fun! we just have to plan ahead of time. uh yeah if anybody's interested, the ten commandments will be there after october! oooooooohh.
2. MORE IMPORTANTLY, northern california: i would just LOVE to take a nor cal trip sometime, especially to see our little kendrita, whom we have so long been without. i was kinda thinking maybe the weekend of torrey (like friday - sunday)? or........ something else. maybe even interterm.
what thinketh thou, fair maidens?
aight, i'm out like a porch light in the ghetto.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
A Story of Epically Awkward proportions...
Ok, I have a story...
and it goes like this:
There was once a brown maiden named Linell who sat upon the chair in the RA office. Lo and behold, and before her very eyes, in the Horton Lobby, were a man and a woman, laying quite near each other, actually, they were in what is commonly known as the "sandwich" position...leaving no room for the Holy Spirit at all. (Carissa, I know this is one whole run-on sentence, I'm sorry, this must be causing you so much pain).
Anyway, on with the story, in THIRD person.
Well Linell, stood up, righteously indignant, with what she saw before her. She thought to herself, "with the RA powers vested in me, I shall correct this blatant wrong." With that she left the comforts of the RA office and ventured into the unknown....
She slowly approached the "sandwich" and positioned herself so that she stood directly in front of them. However, as she stood there, she realized that all the glorious admonishments that she had rehearsed inside her mind, had flewn out of her brain, which left her debilitated and speechless. It was that exact moment that the "sandwich" suddenly separated and peered cautiously at the figure who had been staring at them blankly for the past 3 minutes. Linell, realizing that the man and woman were now staring expectantly at her, panicked and did the only she could do: run away and hide.
Which she did.
After a minute or so, Linell, who had run into the safe and homely comforts of the RA office, peeked to see if the couple were still there. They were, but not for long. After exchanging confused looks, they both got up and left.
Needless to say, Linell's goal was accomplished. She rid the lobby of the PDA-mongers, whilst sacrificing most of her dignity. What a servant. What a hero.
and it goes like this:
There was once a brown maiden named Linell who sat upon the chair in the RA office. Lo and behold, and before her very eyes, in the Horton Lobby, were a man and a woman, laying quite near each other, actually, they were in what is commonly known as the "sandwich" position...leaving no room for the Holy Spirit at all. (Carissa, I know this is one whole run-on sentence, I'm sorry, this must be causing you so much pain).
Anyway, on with the story, in THIRD person.
Well Linell, stood up, righteously indignant, with what she saw before her. She thought to herself, "with the RA powers vested in me, I shall correct this blatant wrong." With that she left the comforts of the RA office and ventured into the unknown....
She slowly approached the "sandwich" and positioned herself so that she stood directly in front of them. However, as she stood there, she realized that all the glorious admonishments that she had rehearsed inside her mind, had flewn out of her brain, which left her debilitated and speechless. It was that exact moment that the "sandwich" suddenly separated and peered cautiously at the figure who had been staring at them blankly for the past 3 minutes. Linell, realizing that the man and woman were now staring expectantly at her, panicked and did the only she could do: run away and hide.
Which she did.
After a minute or so, Linell, who had run into the safe and homely comforts of the RA office, peeked to see if the couple were still there. They were, but not for long. After exchanging confused looks, they both got up and left.
Needless to say, Linell's goal was accomplished. She rid the lobby of the PDA-mongers, whilst sacrificing most of her dignity. What a servant. What a hero.
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